Authentic. Transparent. Human.
These three words come up again and again in conversations about creating and sustaining business relationships in the current marketplace. For lawyers, this really isn’t about a new way of relating to our clients, prospects and colleagues. It’s about getting back to our roots as service providers and connecting with the people behind the legal matters we take on. The practice of law has always been about helping people solve problems, overcome challenges and meet goals. But, somewhere along the way, the legal profession (with the help of law schools) lost sight of its human nature.
Over the years, I’ve posted on the importance of bringing ourselves back to our work so we can authentically relate to our clients and others:
In his new book, Fuel the Spark: 5 Guiding Values for Success in Law & Life, Colorado attorney Kevin Houchin shares practical wisdom on cultivating an authentic life in the law. Legal Sanity Co-producer Lori Herz asked Kevin for his thoughts on (re)designing the lawyer-client relationship for a better client experience.
LH: You set out five guiding values in your book: Accept; Show Up; Pay Attention; Many irons In The Fire; and Stewardship. They’re all relevant to cultivating a meaningful life in, and outside of, the law. But, I’d like to focus on the first one – Accept. In the chapter on this guidepost, you write something that I find particularly compelling:
“There are many things about the legal profession you must simply accept because you cannot change them. But there are also many things you can change because you control your outlook, your goals, and your choices. To maintain balance in your practice and your life, you must first identify what you are willing to accept and what you are willing to accept the responsibility for changing.”
How do you think this pertains to the way lawyers can connect with clients and others in everyday practice?
KH: The possibilities here are as endless as the combinations of lawyers, clients and matters.The first level of this value aims to help us think about the types of cases we take on and what that means to society. For instance, I don't accept criminal or divorce cases. Accordingly, since I don't accept personal responsibility for changing those situations for those clients, I have accepted to let those situations exist as they are - hoping other attorneys will accept the responsibility to take the necessary steps to help society.
At the next level, we can choose how we will interact with our clients, but it's important that we don't judge either our clients or ourselves too harshly. Each client is different, some are very business-like and don't want a lot of small talk, especially if they think the "clock is running.” Others simply want someone to listen to their full story and empathize, even if we could jump in with the answer after only a few minutes. I talk a little bit about this in the section discussing my theory that to receive respect from our clients and peers, we must first surrender our instinct to judge.
LH: Yes, in that section you encourage us to identify what we must surrender in order to receive the changes we want in our law practice. As an example of this surrender-to-receive dynamic, you write:
“When you surrender judgment, you automatically open up to the possibility that the other person is worthy of respect. In turn, that makes it easier for the other person to open up to the possibility that you are worthy of respect.”
I really like this couplet. I call this “mutuality” in business relationships – a genuine kind of give and take. Is this what you’re getting at?
KH: "Mutuality." I like that word. I hadn't thought of it exactly that way, but it works. To some extent, we have to put ourselves emotionally in the trenches with our client's immediate challenge. When they know that we are with them emotionally, as well as physically and intellectually, something changes. The trust deepens. As I discussed before, I don't take on criminal cases because I don't know if I could let myself be that open to the client in those situations. That's just me. The important thing is to know yourself well enough that you do your best to only take on cases where you are able to form this kind of emotional bond with your client. It helps you be a better lawyer, and on a practical note, it will shorten the time it takes to get paid for your work because the client knows you're not just helping them for the money.
LH: To surrender our judgment in the lawyer-client relationship, we need to really listen to our clients and not talk over and around them with a deaf ear. This syncs with another of your guiding values – Pay Attention. You write:
“We sometimes deal with clients during very difficult times in their lives, so paying attention to how they are saying something may allow you to alleviate some discomfort, heal some harm, remove some shame, and get to the bottom of the problem.”
Can you share a personal experience with this?
KH: The simplest thing happens fairly often in my office because I'm a true solo and do not have a receptionist. The phone will ring in the middle of a meeting and my client might look at me with some surprise that I don't move to answer it. This gives me a chance to let them know that I'm paying attention to them in the moment. Take it a step farther and you're squarely in the active-listening techniques. In those active listening situations, you find the chance to make the emotional connection. Showing that you have personally made the same mistake the client made in a situation, letting them know they aren't stupid, or that others have done the same thing pretty often removes their shame and fear and helps you start solving the problem. The next step of paying attention is watching for ways to help your clients when they're not in the room - referrals or becoming a fan of their product on Facebook are good examples. Following them on Twitter is another. Basically, becoming their friend instead of just their attorney will go a long way toward helping you be a better lawyer. It will also bring you more business and help you reach your own personal goals for success.
LH: Kevin, thanks for sharing your thoughts on client service and helping us cultivate legal sanity. We wish you all the best with your new book.
